i do believe i am in the "now" moment. and it just gives me so much joy for now. but i am not afraid to go back to the "after after a while" phase. i will never be. coz i am not afraid to go on finding myself shattered and rebuilding it over and over again until i have found the one who will be willing to seal my shattered pieces so that i won't ever break again and will live with me in my perfect garden. i can only be hopeful for that day when we will both see that all the things the world has given me --- all its beauty, color, drudgery and sham --- were all meant to be, to make my garden the most beautiful for him. :)
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