"...His sincerest gratitude goes out to Belle & Jojo for giving him the opportunity to create; and to Neo for their moment of oblivion that, albeit brief, provided him with the inspiration."
Though I knew it was utterly embarrassing to be buzzing people online at such an ungodly hour, I disturbed a few of my friends in the middle of the night to ask for help. My request was:
change the word in parenthesis: "Due to the (manyness) of the points you raised in your email..."
It was a fairly easy task. It was nothing more than just a game of synonyms. But when it's past midnight and all you want to do is sleep (or drink or touch yourself), and a friend comes bothering you, desperately seeking (as if his life depended on it) for a word that sounds more sophisticated than "manyness", you black out. It becomes more difficult to think.
Friend 1: anong kasunod ng phrase na yan?
Ryeness: "...i am not answering any of them."
Friend 1: Pwede bang, "It will take too much of our time to answer each of the many points you raised in your email. Instead,..."
Friend 1: Or something like that.. Or "Instead of answering your email point-by-point, here's my quick reply: " Rule #1 I learned during my business writing class: "Write as you speak." Business writing is not creative writing.
Ryeness: but this is not business writing, huns...
Friend 1: what is it?
Ryeness: it's sophisticated flirting by correspondence!
Friend 1: ah.. di mo sinabi agad.. Eh di ganito.. "After pondering so hard and long about the points you raised, I was enticed to cum to you with a quickie." Flirtatioous di ba?
*Friend 1 is an Advertising Practitioner by profession (he garnered high marks in Business Writing while in University) and a Casanova by heart (if Flirting 101 was offered in the University, he'd be the topnotcher in his class). He flirts. Trust me, he does, at any given moment. (Oh! Come to think of it, he never flirted with me. Oh well...)
Friend 2: what if rephrase mo na lang?
Ryeness: parang ganun na nga..
Friend 2: "due to the numerous points you raised". keri ba yan?
Ryeness: kailangan ko istress ung "being many" rather than what was many in his email..
Friend 2: rephrase na nga ang kasagutan ng suliranin na yan
Friend 2: nanginginig ako sa inis, friend. di ko kinakaya ang papansing toh!
Ryeness: hahawakan ko, ikaw sasapak? lol
Friend 2: lason na lang para less violent. para walang violence pala
*Friend 2 is a performer by profession and has undergone Stress Management courses.
Ryeness: i need a word that sounds like enormity or magnitude
Friend 3: yeah i see what you're trying to get at...
abundant, copious, diverse, extensive, infinite, large, lots, many, multiple, multitudinous, plentiful, several, untold, voluminous, legion, multitudinous, myriad - synonyms for numerous maybe you can try something from here
*Friend 3 is my only friend whose bedside reading is the Thesaurus.
Friend 4: ano yung karugtong? what comes after the ellipses?
Ryeness: "...i am not answering any of them."
Friend 4: "manyness" may be unnecessary. you may want to consider fragmenting the sentence instead.
Ryeness: i tried... didn't work. i wanna stress the "being many" i need a word that sounds like enormity or magnitude
Friend 4: or you may use the word "plethora"
Ryeness: perfect! you are a superstar!
Friend 4: "i have not replied to you due to the plethora of emails you have sent me"
Ryeness: i'd marry you if ur status didn't say "married",
Friend 4: hahaha!:P ikaw talaga! if that meant, thank you, i would say "welcome, Rye."
Ryeness: which, by the way, made my ashamed of myself for trying to flirt with you on ***
Friend 4: hahaha why would you be ashamed anyways?
*Friend 4 holds a special place in me. Not in my heart. In me.
______________
Three hours later, I got to write my letter:
It's funny what people subject themselves to, before they realize it's not worth fighting for anymore.
It's even funnier what people subject themselves to, in order to find a way out, after they've decided to retreat.
Funny how much energy, time, and self-esteem people expend before they realize that the door is the easiest way out. That they just have to stand up; gather their things: the baking dish, the toothbrush, cigarettes, bag, shoes, and what-have-you's; walk out; shut the door behind them (bang it for more cinematic effect); and never look back. (At least until the lift opens and transports them to a safer place --- the lobby.)
photo credit: Planet HoodHere's a cute share-worthy email I got from a good friend, Tita Ge. Read on and decide which you would press.
___________
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital. Please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep or between beeps. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
If you are a blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.
I have exactly 18 minutes to kill before the oven ding's. So I'm gonna answer Val's meme.
Dr. L was in his desk, scanning my medical file as I walked through the door of his clinic. "How are you, Ryan?", he greeted me warmly.
"I'm generally fine, except for the terrible migraine attack that I had this morning.", I replied.
"Same side?"
"Yes."
He took my blood pressure and my temperature, both of which registered normal. He then asked, "Did you drink last night?"
"I only had coffee, which put me to sleep."
"No alcohol?"
"Not a drop," I proudly answered.
"Besides the coffee, what was the last thing you did before going to bed last night?"
"I wrote an email."
Trying to be funny, Dr. L declared, "That could've caused your migraine."
________________
One hour past midnight, I received an unexpected sms from a man from my not-so-distant past. It read:
"I just read your blog. I didn't know until then that your contract wasn't renewed. I won't even say 'I hope you're ok.', coz I know you are. You're never not ok. I know that you will get yourself in a better place from here and I want you to know that I am proud of you, even as early as now, for the achievement that you are about to accomplish. I hope I am still allowed to be proud of you. I hope you don't hate me anymore."
"Read your email tomorrow morning."
"Hate is such a harsh word. To hate someone is a heinous thought. That's why I never hate. I dislike or abhor, but never hate. And even if my morals allowed me to hate someone, I will never have the will or the reason to hate you.____________________
I tried so hard to dislike you --- abhor you even. It was the easiest way to forget you. To stop myself from hoping you'd find it in your heart to give "us" one more chance. To stop myself from wondering what I could do to revive what we lost. I tried with all my might. I tried day in and day out. I failed. For despite how horrible our ending was, despite your flaws as a lover, and despite how frustrating it had been on my part to hold on to that thin strand of hope that broke eventually, I still can't deny that you are a wonderful person. Despite every reason I could find to be angry at you, the truth stands. And the truth is that you showed my family and friends nothing but love and kindness.
I may have learned to get over the thought of loving you romantically, and I may not see a lifetime partner in you anymore; But I have never learned to love you any less, and I haven't stopped seeing the beautiful soul you are made of."
Yesterday, August 8, was Oca's 6th death anniversary.
I've been too preoccupied getting ready for my next big career move, I forgot.
Forgive me, Oca? Not remembering without being reminded by Rems doesn't mean I love you any less.
You will always be the only man I adore, love and respect hideously. Adore, love and respect --- in the present tense. The man by which I measure the worth of the men I fall in love with. The man who shaped me into the person I am now. The man I can only wish to be.
I love you, Oca! I know you know that. Thank you for everything.
on MSN
______________
Mom says (1:03 AM):
it's happening again. and i'm getting tired of it.
Son says (1:03 AM):
what is happening again??
Mom says (1:07 AM):
your dad getting scared again, disappearing AGAIN after a weekend of oblivion, without a word of notice, even out of the slightest respect for me.
Son says (1:09 AM):
well, he told you already about who he was and how things work for him....nay..you were warned ....that's the consequence of seeing him
there are just two options ....to cut ties or accept this harsh reality
Mom says (1:09 AM):
i know. and i expected it too, in fact i was prepared for it. nakakasawa lang. it challenged me in the beginning. amused me even.
now i'm just tired of it.
Son says (1:10 AM):
bayaan mo lang. bandang huli when it becomes a norm siya na mismo ang quuquestion sa sarili niya
Mom says (1:12 AM):
nakakainsulto lang kasi --- i guess that's the most disconcerting part.
hmph! ewan! ok naman ako buong araw. nairita lang siguro ko ngayon dahil ineempacho ako.
Son says (1:13 AM):
hahaha!
hayyy! nay dont let him get to you. alcohol lang ang nakakagawa sa atin nyan. minsan hindi pa nga
Mom says (1:14 AM):
agree. he's not worth it.
Son says (1:17 AM):
ang realization ko nga minsan what we think is insulting or rude might just be a norm for some.....some people just dont know that they cause so much hurt....and what is even worse is that they can't be accounted for it because in their eyes there is nothing wrong
ganun lang tlaga sila
Mom says (1:18 AM):
that's true. kaya nga mas nakakainis e. because when he gets to my nerves, that means i allow him to take control of me. and you know i hate it when i lose control.
so anyway, enough about him. i have a serious case of indigestion to worry about.
photo credit: www.unionoflove.com
