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Some Good Things Never Last

On her first ever TV appearance---
what Diane Sawyer described as "the [TV] appearance that would change her life".



In one of her recent public performances.



Imagine if she was able to preserve that voice as long as her mother did.
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"You can't get any better when you're the best" -Babyface in an interview about her

What It's Like To Be Poor.

Kreis

sequel to "The Stalker In The Rye" published on September 9, 2007
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Here we are again: in the middle of the room where I once watched you, fascinated with your beauty; mesmerized with your charm; wondering what on earth I had to give to have you.

Here we are again: in the exact same time when outside, the clock continued to tick and the sun continued to rise to its peak, but where we were, there was only the now and the world was a tiny place of perennial night.

Here we are again: making our way to lands far off, to places we've never been to, and to places none but us knows exist.

Here we are again: amidst familiar faces and familiar music and sweaty bodies of men bobbing involuntary to the mechanical sound that envelopes us.

We've come full circle. Everything is back to where they were in the not-so-distant past. Everything seems comfortingly familiar. It almost is a deja vu. But it's not. Because in the past, you were just an ideal. An icon that represented my desires. A ghost, an apparition even. But this time you're real.

Briefly, I close my eyes. And in that fleeting moment of trance, you hold my hand and I know you are real. My body grows numb and all I could feel are your fingers between mine. Then I open my eyes and I see you --- needing me more than I need you, like you never did before. My heart rejoices that I'm no longer just your stalker.

It almost is a deja vu. But it's not. Because now, I am your safe place --- your refuge from the harm. Your comrade. Your brother.

It almost is a deja vu. But it's not. Because then, I was your audience who wished I could take the place of your prey for the night. Tonight, I still am not your prey. But I'd rather not. Where I am now is even more that I could ever ask for. And there's no other place in this room, or in your life I'd rather be.

For F

It's funny how I would always tell you, "I can't. We're friends.", but never really knew you until I saw you that way for the first time.

For more than a year I'd constantly seen you in your various degrees of happiness and bliss that I forgot you were also capable of feeling pain. For countless of times, I'd reveled in your smile, that I never imagined you also cried. For a few other instances, I'd seen you stripped naked of your clothes, but never imagined you stripping your soul bare of the pretenses that you protected it with against the bile and bitterness human beings are innately capable of causing. Human beings --- I included.

With your tears, you acquiesced to the weakness you tried so hard to conceal all your life. But with your tears, you dauntlessly taught me a indispensable lesson I vow to never forget. Until this very moment, I vividly remember how, like a delicate snail robbed off of the shell he was born with to safeguard himself, you curled up in pain in wept. Until this very moment, I vividly remember the sound of your sob and how you fought to keep it from coming out. Until this very moment, I vividly remember those that I tried to keep you from seeing and hearing: how my heart bled and how it shattered to a million tiny pieces.

F, my friend, I am deeply sorry. This is for you ---

image credit: PR Starter Kit

You with the sad eyes

Don't be discouraged
Oh I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness, inside you
Can make you feel so small
But I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

Show me a smile then,
Don't be unhappy, can't remember
When I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I'll be there
And I'll see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

So sad eyes
Discouraged now
Realize
When this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know
I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors
Shining through I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors, true colors
Cos there's a shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors, true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Beautiful, like a rainbow

About The Birthday Cake And The Mickey Hat (Pt.1)

Years and years from now --- long after I've retired from the party scene and all that's left of my hair are a few strands of grey --- I shall look back at my youth and remember the two weeks that had just passed with much fondness. It will be written in my personal chronicles as a milestone that culminated with a sudden debilitation of my immune system brought about by extreme physical fatigue and emotional exhaustion from too much fun, too much tears, too much physical activity, too much partying, too much drinking, too little sleep, too little eating. In other words, from trying too much to live la vida rockstar.

Because of the enormity of the energy I had to put in, in order to secure the life I was to start building outside the castle, there was virtually none left for my own birthday. It was gonna be the first time for me to not plan anything fabulous (or at least blog-worthy) for "big day". And there wasn't even enough energy left to feel bad about it. Nonetheless, I knew that whatever happened, there was no way I was gonna miss reflecting on my life and re-examining my values. That was one tradition I couldn't afford to break, no matter how difficult the circumstances got. With that to look forward to, I knew my birthday would be worthwhile, in spite of.

The eve of my birthday, I was invited to a dinner which would be hosted by a friend of a friend. There were only 6 of us (2 more came by after dinner and joined us for drinks) and I knew everyone except for the host. At midnight, they sang me a Happy Birthday song and a good friend whom I hadn't seen for so long, Corrine, popped the Veuve Clicquot Rose that Steve brought. Later that night, Steve remarked, "Friend, it is your birthday." And it was. An evening with friends, good food, champagne, strawberries, and a surprise visit from a dearly beloved friend whom I have missed so dearly. What more could I ask for?

The following day, September 21st, was of course, just as exhilarating. I woke up to a full SMS inbox of birthday messages on my mobile phone. And as if that wasn't enough to start my Sunday brightly, I logged on to my online accounts which revealed even more touching greetings. Then there was the community singing of the birthday song at work, and the heart-warming happy-birthday-hug from 2 people whom I knew didn't like me that much. By mid-afternoon, a lengthy sms-exchange with two of my exes took place. One of them commented, "We may not have worked as a couple, but that doesn't change the fact that you are a good person, Rye. You are a bitch, but you are a good person. That's why you are loved by many." In the evening, I went to FINDS where I was treated to on-the-house glasses of Moët et Chandon courtesy of Pink Taskmaster James. I was joined by Dan, Enan & Steve, who were still tired from the previous night but were loving enough to show up in their cargos and flipflops to spend my birthday with me, and my sai lo, Heihei, who missed dinner with family and traveled all the way from Sheung Shui to give his birthday present --- a white Starbucks mug.

captioned fittingly on the Pink Sundays at FINDS Facebook Group page as:
"The Pink Taskmaster with the aforementioned fabulous birthday gal,
both looking shockingly sober"

September 22 was the day the HK Government gave me its present. Still dressed in the floral shirt I wore to FINDS the previous night, I walked in to the IRD Building to settle my tax. After less than 15 minutes, I finished the whole process, which comprised of getting on the elevator 6 times in order to do business in 4 different floors with 5 different civil servants, and going for the loo twice. 15 minutes. That's all it took. The best part: I left the building with a cheque for tax refund.

Later that night, I went over to Victor & Vincent's, two of my favorite straight boys, for a couple of drinks. They tried to throw me a small surprise party for two nights, but because I was scared to sit still and get bored on my birthday weekend, it had been difficult to get a hold of me. SO when I finally showed up, the bottles of Chardonnay that Victor bought for me and the pasta that they made were already extinct.

Jethro slept over that night and when we woke up the following day, I found out that he had raped me. Kidding! Jethro slept over that night and when we woke up the following day, I asked him to make us lunch. He willingly obliged and even after we've consumed what he prepared, he made sure I wasn't going anywhere that day. The reason being, we were expecting another friend of ours to come at 3pm. I was sitting in front of my computer when Ryan arrived without me noticing. He came into my room and took advantage of me. Kidding again! He came into my room and said hi, at which point, Jethro went into the kitchen. Few minutes later, Ryan excused himself and I went back to my computer. And before Facebook even loaded, they went back to room and burst into a birthday song. I turned around and saw them marching in with a chocolate cake in their hands.

The chocolate cake and the Mickey hat aptly define the 2 weeks that passed.

In Oprah Winfrey's 50th birthday, her best friend Gail said that no birthday is complete without a cake. The cake that Ryan and Jethro surprised me with was my first birthday cake for this year. It marked the completion of my birthday, and the Mickey hat they made me wear for the photo opp marked the beginning of another story.

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....Part 2 coming up