My Past Is Haunting Me

When I was little, I adamantly believed I was dumb. And I did, not because of my drama queen nature, but because I had valid reason to believe so.

I didn't play Scrabble because I was always kulelat; and in the worst possible way. Like, all my opponents would already be scoring hundreds and I'd be scoring 30. Or less.

I grew up not knowing how to play Monopoly or Millionaire's Game or Cluedo. I veered away from board games that required strategy and in effect, the only board game that I got to use on a regular basis was the only board game that nobody else was interested in: Snakes & Ladders. In fact, there was absolutely none that I knew of that was interested in it, I played it in on my own. ALWAYS. I had the dice to myself and I competed against myself. Not bad. That's how I learned the importance of introspection and also, I was always certain I would win. And I did.

But the worst of all my enemies were riddles. Ask Dan, my flatmate-slash-bestfriend-slash-podcast-partner, and he will attest to that. In the Kitschy Bugtungan Episode of our podcast, he threw a riddle which I confidently answered, and of course, I was predictably wrong. As a kid, I would always show disinterest whenever my teachers played the riddles game. And whenever my classmates traded riddles and puzzles books, I'd always obnoxiously remark, "You wanna borrow my Sweet Valley High, nerd?" That stage of my life, I would consider pivotal because looking back, that's probably when I started being seen by people as a mean, cold-hearted bitch. Even Nancy Drew didn't fascinate me. Or the Hardy Boys. They required too much brain cells from me. And I was dumb, for Chrissakes!

So two nights back from now, as I was saying good night to this boy we will call T, he replied, "I AUMULU". I asked him what it was, and he playfully replied, "You have to work that out." The only hint he gave me was that all U's stand for "you".

It's been two nights. And I still couldn't figure it out. He's been teasing me about my not being able to figure it out, and I though it was cute and funny. But it's not anymore. I'm starting to think I am dumb again.

Anybody out there willing to help a dumb 28-year old boy?

Change Is Over. It's Time To Rant.

Last night, I promised I wouldn't rant about a colleague, because I was having a day worth relishing. But I also promised I would rant about that colleague tonight. And since I know that that colleague reads my blog, I feel that I owe it to that colleague to fulfill my promise of blogging about that colleague tonight. So here goes...

You're stupid.

Pardon my unapologetic crudeness, but there's no better way of putting it. You're stupid. Sugar-coating my statement and writing in a more sophisticated (read: tactful) way will diminish the intensity by which I appraise you. Note: I appraise you. Not your intellectual value, or your limited vocabulary, but you. As a whole. As a person. As a stupid person.

Don't tell me to not take your criticisms on my performance personal. Because as a so-called artist, every work I do: whether it be a choreographic output, an onstage performance, a 45-minute class participation, or a blog entry, I put my heart and soul into it. Everything I do is a reflection of who I am. It symbolizes my past, my dreams, and my hunger. My pains, my triumphs and my desires. It is my soul --- stripped off of any superficiality, and bare-naked for every-fucking-one to see --- that I present to every-fucking-one who has enough time or interest to observe.

See, if I were an accountant, I could probably take your criticism with a smile and blame the calculator for being wrong. But I am not. Every pas-de-bouree and step-ball-change that I do is embedded with a piece of me. So every criticism that you throw at me is a personal attack.

If you don't have enough decency to stand by your own opinions, just say so. That'd be easier for me to understand than you saying, "Don't take it personal, Rye." The former speaks of your low self-esteem upbringing, which is easy to work on. The latter is just plain stupidity and is inexcusable. You chose to tread the path of a life in show business. You should know what it takes to be performer, the same way that you should know the difference between a releve and a rise, Or a pique and a releve, which obviously you don't.

So what is the point that I am making here?

My point is, I am my work and my work is me. You praise my work, and I am driven to tears of fulfillment and gratitude because in actuality, it is I that you praise. You criticize my work, you criticize me. I can accept criticisms, but I am (as a person capable of feeling and thinking) entitled to react to your criticism. Don't tell me to not take it personal because it is personal. Always. In all ways.

Do you get it? Probably not. Because you're stupid.
____________
Oh, and while we are in the subject of your stupidity, can you please, for the love of God, brush up on your subject-predicate agreement?

A Friend In Need

Though I knew it was utterly embarrassing to be buzzing people online at such an ungodly hour, I disturbed a few of my friends in the middle of the night to ask for help. My request was:

change the word in parenthesis: "Due to the (manyness) of the points you raised in your email..."

It was a fairly easy task. It was nothing more than just a game of synonyms. But when it's past midnight and all you want to do is sleep (or drink or touch yourself), and a friend comes bothering you, desperately seeking (as if his life depended on it) for a word that sounds more sophisticated than "manyness", you black out. It becomes more difficult to think.

Friend 1: anong kasunod ng phrase na yan?
Ryeness: "...i am not answering any of them."
Friend 1: Pwede bang, "It will take too much of our time to answer each of the many points you raised in your email. Instead,..."
Friend 1: Or something like that.. Or "Instead of answering your email point-by-point, here's my quick reply: " Rule #1 I learned during my business writing class: "Write as you speak." Business writing is not creative writing.
Ryeness: but this is not business writing, huns...
Friend 1: what is it?
Ryeness: it's sophisticated flirting by correspondence!
Friend 1: ah.. di mo sinabi agad.. Eh di ganito.. "After pondering so hard and long about the points you raised, I was enticed to cum to you with a quickie." Flirtatioous di ba?
*Friend 1 is an Advertising Practitioner by profession (he garnered high marks in Business Writing while in University) and a Casanova by heart (if Flirting 101 was offered in the University, he'd be the topnotcher in his class). He flirts. Trust me, he does, at any given moment. (Oh! Come to think of it, he never flirted with me. Oh well...)

Friend 2: what if rephrase mo na lang?
Ryeness: parang ganun na nga..
Friend 2: "due to the numerous points you raised". keri ba yan?
Ryeness: kailangan ko istress ung "being many" rather than what was many in his email..
Friend 2: rephrase na nga ang kasagutan ng suliranin na yan
Friend 2: nanginginig ako sa inis, friend. di ko kinakaya ang papansing toh!
Ryeness: hahawakan ko, ikaw sasapak? lol
Friend 2: lason na lang para less violent. para walang violence pala
*Friend 2 is a performer by profession and has undergone Stress Management courses.

Ryeness: i need a word that sounds like enormity or magnitude
Friend 3: yeah i see what you're trying to get at...
abundant, copious, diverse, extensive, infinite, large, lots, many, multiple, multitudinous, plentiful, several, untold, voluminous, legion, multitudinous, myriad - synonyms for numerous maybe you can try something from here
*Friend 3 is my only friend whose bedside reading is the Thesaurus.

Friend 4: ano yung karugtong? what comes after the ellipses?
Ryeness: "...i am not answering any of them."
Friend 4: "manyness" may be unnecessary. you may want to consider fragmenting the sentence instead.
Ryeness: i tried... didn't work. i wanna stress the "being many" i need a word that sounds like enormity or magnitude
Friend 4: or you may use the word "plethora"
Ryeness: perfect! you are a superstar!
Friend 4: "i have not replied to you due to the plethora of emails you have sent me"
Ryeness: i'd marry you if ur status didn't say "married",
Friend 4: hahaha!:P ikaw talaga! if that meant, thank you, i would say "welcome, Rye."
Ryeness: which, by the way, made my ashamed of myself for trying to flirt with you on ***
Friend 4: hahaha why would you be ashamed anyways?
*Friend 4 holds a special place in me. Not in my heart. In me.
______________
Three hours later, I got to write my letter:

"Due to the superfluity of the points you raised in your most recent email,
I am writing my response in a point-by-point fashion.
My answers are in caps and enclosed in parentheses."

*How could I have forgotten my favorite word in high school? In my attempt to sound smarter than I actually was, I used it every single day after I first read it from a book that I was assigned to write a paper on. I would always find something to talk about that would allow me to just utter the word. At times I couldn't, I said it anyway and wished whoever I was talking to didn't know what it really meant.