Tuesday, August 19, 2008

A Friend In Need

Though I knew it was utterly embarrassing to be buzzing people online at such an ungodly hour, I disturbed a few of my friends in the middle of the night to ask for help. My request was:

change the word in parenthesis: "Due to the (manyness) of the points you raised in your email..."

It was a fairly easy task. It was nothing more than just a game of synonyms. But when it's past midnight and all you want to do is sleep (or drink or touch yourself), and a friend comes bothering you, desperately seeking (as if his life depended on it) for a word that sounds more sophisticated than "manyness", you black out. It becomes more difficult to think.

Friend 1: anong kasunod ng phrase na yan?
Ryeness: "...i am not answering any of them."
Friend 1: Pwede bang, "It will take too much of our time to answer each of the many points you raised in your email. Instead,..."
Friend 1: Or something like that.. Or "Instead of answering your email point-by-point, here's my quick reply: " Rule #1 I learned during my business writing class: "Write as you speak." Business writing is not creative writing.
Ryeness: but this is not business writing, huns...
Friend 1: what is it?
Ryeness: it's sophisticated flirting by correspondence!
Friend 1: ah.. di mo sinabi agad.. Eh di ganito.. "After pondering so hard and long about the points you raised, I was enticed to cum to you with a quickie." Flirtatioous di ba?
*Friend 1 is an Advertising Practitioner by profession (he garnered high marks in Business Writing while in University) and a Casanova by heart (if Flirting 101 was offered in the University, he'd be the topnotcher in his class). He flirts. Trust me, he does, at any given moment. (Oh! Come to think of it, he never flirted with me. Oh well...)

Friend 2: what if rephrase mo na lang?
Ryeness: parang ganun na nga..
Friend 2: "due to the numerous points you raised". keri ba yan?
Ryeness: kailangan ko istress ung "being many" rather than what was many in his email..
Friend 2: rephrase na nga ang kasagutan ng suliranin na yan
Friend 2: nanginginig ako sa inis, friend. di ko kinakaya ang papansing toh!
Ryeness: hahawakan ko, ikaw sasapak? lol
Friend 2: lason na lang para less violent. para walang violence pala
*Friend 2 is a performer by profession and has undergone Stress Management courses.

Ryeness: i need a word that sounds like enormity or magnitude
Friend 3: yeah i see what you're trying to get at...
abundant, copious, diverse, extensive, infinite, large, lots, many, multiple, multitudinous, plentiful, several, untold, voluminous, legion, multitudinous, myriad - synonyms for numerous maybe you can try something from here
*Friend 3 is my only friend whose bedside reading is the Thesaurus.

Friend 4: ano yung karugtong? what comes after the ellipses?
Ryeness: "...i am not answering any of them."
Friend 4: "manyness" may be unnecessary. you may want to consider fragmenting the sentence instead.
Ryeness: i tried... didn't work. i wanna stress the "being many" i need a word that sounds like enormity or magnitude
Friend 4: or you may use the word "plethora"
Ryeness: perfect! you are a superstar!
Friend 4: "i have not replied to you due to the plethora of emails you have sent me"
Ryeness: i'd marry you if ur status didn't say "married",
Friend 4: hahaha!:P ikaw talaga! if that meant, thank you, i would say "welcome, Rye."
Ryeness: which, by the way, made my ashamed of myself for trying to flirt with you on ***
Friend 4: hahaha why would you be ashamed anyways?
*Friend 4 holds a special place in me. Not in my heart. In me.

Three hours later, I got to write my letter:

"Due to the superfluity of the points you raised in your most recent email,
I am writing my response in a point-by-point fashion.
My answers are in caps and enclosed in parentheses."

*How could I have forgotten my favorite word in high school? In my attempt to sound smarter than I actually was, I used it every single day after I first read it from a book that I was assigned to write a paper on. I would always find something to talk about that would allow me to just utter the word. At times I couldn't, I said it anyway and wished whoever I was talking to didn't know what it really meant.