Wednesday, December 29, 2004


this is the last night i will ever cry over him. i have shed too much tears and wasted too much time that's supposed to be for the people who love me truly. unconditionally.

the universe has been so kind to me today. she made me realize how important i am. how loved and needed i am. how many people count on me for strength. i can't fail them. i can't afford them to see their pillar of "will to go on living" shatter down before them.

i have tried. i have emphatically laid out the reasons why he should choose me. if he won't listen, there's nothing i can do. totoo palang napapagod din ang puso. totoo palang sumusuko rin. i will still wait for as long as i can but i can't put my life on hold for him. i have to move on and grow like i went on with my life before i met him.

but i am not bitter. i am not regretful. in fact i couldn't find the strength to even be pissed at them. i know i should be happy that the divine universe chose me to make their happy ending unfold. if this was a movie, i'd be the third on the billing. i'd be julia roberts in m"my best friend's wedding." that's how important i am.

tonight, i shall cry my last tears for him. tonight, i shall liberate myself. tonight, i will masturbate till i have nothing to ejaculate. no one else can love me the way i love myself.