Why God Created Mobile Phones

photo credit: howard forums
Pinky, Pink Becky's little sister

So that in times of overpoweringly unreasonable anxiety and distress; on evenings when the global economy continues to drop along with the erratic temperature and everything that we hope would not drop, our lovers can send us text messages that end like this---

"...that is most important, my love. xx"

; and friends, whom we haven't seen for weeks, can call to say that,

"Craig David left me a souvenir for you:
an autographed photo of him with your name on it.
I'll give it to you on Monday."

Thank you, Dear God, for the gift of mobile phones. The world is a better place because of them.