Sunday, June 21, 2009

How To Prepare For A Dance Audition In Less Than 2 Hours

1) Choose: Go back home to get your dansneakers and rehearsal outfit or swing by Fonteyn in Wan Chai to buy them.

(If you choose the former, don't bother coming to the audition anymore. You won't make it on-time. If you choose the latter, be sure your EPS has sufficient funds.)

2) In Fonteyn, carefully examine which of the two pairs is most comfortable dancing in without a proper warm-up: Bloch's new Slingshot or the classic Capezio gore boot.

(If you choose the former, think again. Think how many danseneakers you already have and how rarely you use each one of them. You don't need another one. If you choose the latter, buy it in tan. You already have a black one.)

3) Choose which dance belt suits your specific need: the wide-band quilted Capezio, or the comfort Capezio.

(If Frankie suggests the Fonteyn dance belt, say "No" with utmost conviction.)

4) Pick a pair of jazz pants: lycra or cotton.

(Jazz pants? Really? Early 90's?)

5) Engage yourself in a conversation with the staff and forget about how much time you have left.

6) Swing by Pacific Coffee for a cup of Macchiato.

7) Take the train to the venue.

8) Get lost. Spend the 10 of your remaining 15 minutes walking around the block, following different directions from different people. Wait until you're fully drenched in your own sweat before you decide that calling the audition secretariat is wiser than asking people around for a street you can't even pronounce right.

9) Wait for the next lift. Do not take the first one, because the first one is a glass lift and, because of your fear of heights, you might faint when you see how high up you are from the ground. Waste 2 minutes waiting.

10) Get in the venue just in the nick of time. Excuse yourself, get changed, wipe off your sweat.

11) Two demi-plies, one grand plie, forward bend in first position. Repeat everything in second, fourth and fifth, varying the port de bras. Do this as quick as you can. The audition's about to start.

12) Improvise.

13) When in doubt, pout.

14) When you fall from a turn or your extensions aren't as good as they normally are, blame the floor.

15) If you get the job, blog about it and be an inspiration to others. If you don't get the job, blog about it so that others can learn what not to do.