Saturday, February 14, 2009

Two Years Back

After writing my Valentine's entry for tonight, I searched the Sent folder of my email, trying to find an important address. I didn't find it. Instead, this I found this---

Evaluation: Valentine’s Day ‘07

I had anticipated this day for weeks with much dread. I had the right and reason to. For the first time in 7 years, I would be celebrating Valentine’s Day sans romance (whether real or make-believe) in my life. And I am a hopeless romantic; Valentine’s is my day.

So for days preceding “the” day, I hoped and wished that Valentine’s would just come and go like any ordinary day. Of course I knew that no matter how big my faith was, or no matter how hard I prayed, there was no stopping Valentine’s. But I hoped that the Universe would conspire to at least allow me to go through Feb. 14oblivious of all the romance in the air. Or on the ground. But the Universe didn’t .As a matter of fact, It persisted in showing me that just because I am still healing from my last relationship which ended just 2 weeks before Valentine’s, doesn’t mean nobody else has the right to feel the way I felt for 7 years before today. Everywhere I looked, I saw couples, and flowers and chocolates and romance. And all other forms of love. Furthermore, It made me see that even if I may be single (not that being single is such a bad thing. I’m just not used to being single yet), I could still be part of the love-giving and –receiving. And I had the choice. Whether I want to be part of it or not, whether I want to be a recipient and giver or the Valentine’s Scrooge is entirely up to me.

How did I weigh my options? Following are the circumstances that helped me decide.

As midnight struck last night, my most recent boyfriend sent me an sms, which said, “Happy Valentine’s. I haven’t stopped loving you, just so you know.”
I woke up this morning and the first thing I read on my mobile phone was from my mom: a personal love message she had composed (I could tell because of the vocabulary) which ended in “Happy love day, my son. I love you so much!”
Then after digesting what my mom just sent me and thanking the Universe for the wonderful mother Remi is, I stepped out of my room, ready to start my morning rituals and I saw what seemed to me as a card envelope stuck on my door by some adhesive tape. Curious, I grabbed it and eagerly opened it, to see a card from my best friend Dan. He wrote such a wonderful message that summarized into his last sentence: “Basta, ang gusto ko lang sabihin ay (All I really want to say is), I am very thankful I have you as my best friend.” On the side, in small print, he said that even though I am boyfriend-less, I am blessed with a lot of friends who love me. So true.

Later that afternoon, maybe out of pity or whatever (which doesn’t really matter to me), Keith asked me to go with him to the carnival. I said no the first time but he convinced me eventually. I tried to come up with excuses. Some of them were true and valid, some were not; he had all the solution to every issue I came up with. So it turned out, I had a valentine. Sure, it was last-minute and was far from being a romantic date. Point is, I had a date on Valentine’s Day. And what a gorgeous, green-eyed date I had!

I got home a little after midnight. When I turned my computer on, I found out that I received a friendster testimonial and a myspace comment from my “girlfriend” (girlfriend in quotation marks being, that if I were straight, everybody would probably be gossiping about us now, misconstruing the unexpected closeness that we have), just reminding me that I am one of the very few friends she truly values and loves.

So that’s how my day went --- filled with simple gestures of love that caused such a big impact to me. Started with love, ended with love and filled with so much love in between.

I guess it’s true what the song says; that love is all around us. And whether I want to be part of it or not, whether I want to be a recipient and giver or the Valentine’s Scrooge is entirely up to me. What did I decide? Well, when there’s just an abundance of reasons that prove that scarcity of love is but a pathetic delusion; and all my senses are unanimous in saying that it just feels so right to be part of this loving ecosystem, it would be stupid to want out. And I’m not stupid. Romantic, but not stupid.

All in all, it wasn’t my worst Valentine’s. In fact, I believe that saying it has been my best Valentine’s to date wouldn’t be an overstatement.

Valentine’s 07. Ang rating natin dyan, 5 stars.

Now I am starting to think I am such a contradiction.