Thursday, January 06, 2005

I should probably see my optometrist tomorrow

there has been too much drama going on in my life these past few days. too much: an uncertain break up and a thousand breakdowns.
but like everything in this world, there is an end to this. and it has arrived. i am actually moving on to the next act. WE are actually moving on to OUR next act.

i was supposed to go to a friend's house earlier to work out and to get my spectacles back. the spectacles which i left at his place a couple of weeks ago and which i never hadthe chance to get. because of my lousy memory. i ended up staying at home instead. because of my lousy drive. i had a very insightful night. there was a whole gamut of human emotions and experiences that came parading before my very eyes in just a few hours. and for the first time, since i-can't-remember-anymore, i am now able to see things clearly again.

i have come to revalidate that the world has managed to continue moving while i chose put my life on hold to wallow in pain. that baby-no-more has fallen in love again. that my cousins have gone back home from the holidays without me really spending it with them. that bibe has called on her innate strength once more to fight another battle. that my shooting star has given himself renewed luster and am now becoming engaged again --- only now, more mindfully. that my mom has discovered why the buddha is smiling and has chosen to smile the way the buddha does. that there was a new definition of love waiting to be articulated. that a tsunami has killed hundreds of thousands while i was staring at the Universe's most forsaken son in the mirror.

how could i have been more greedy of sympathy and human compassion?

pardon me. i refused to listen to other people's stories these past few days. i was afraid of getting even more depressed. i didn't read the papers. i was busy writing poems for my shooting star --- poems of love and pain. i didn't watch tv. my eyes hurt so much from too much crying. and i didn't have my glasses.