Sunday, September 16, 2007

An Exciting New Beginning

After 27 months (including staging) of doing the same dancer track in our show on the average of 10 shows per week, I finally opened as M5 (Male dancer #5) today.

The overture had begun to play when the head technician handed to me the standard which I was to carry as I entered the stage. I was a few bars of music away from my entrance. I started getting nervous. I started to blame myself for not being diligent enough to observe shows and ask for more rehearsals. I started looking back and counting how many run-throughs I've had to prepare for this moment. One. I only had one. I wasn't sure I was ready. "Moon, I am nervous!" I confided to the technician.

With his charming fatherly smile, he said, "Don't be nervous. Just don't look back. Forget everything you've done (as M8) before today. This is your new role. No more M8 from now on."

"What if they ask me to do M8 again in the coming days when the M8's are all sick?" I was trying to be funny.

"Then forget about M5 for that day."

I smiled.

"You'll be fine, Rye," he reassured me. "And the audience doesn't know the choreography. You can make mistakes," he added.

Except for a few minor glitches that only the dance captain noticed and some confusion as to where my quick changes were going to happen, I'd say I fairly delivered well. I performed like any mature, trained, professional dancer ought to. The mistakes I've made weren't dramatic enough to get the whole show to stop from running. Nor were they bothersome enough to distract my fellow performers, cause them injury or disrupt the normal on-stage and off-stage flow of the show. They were insignificant. Nothing too grievous to not be dealt with a little bit of humor and some chuckle.

Coming home tonight with a little bit of Shiraz in my system, I looked back at the day that was and started to reflect on its teachings for today.

What Moon said made a lot of sense in the bigger scale of things. He was the voice of the Higher Being that's telling me to not dwell in my past anymore. That the pain and wounds that I am still harboring from way back are paralyzing me to move forward and start anew.

Yes, it is difficult to un-learn habits --- both good and bad. But if I want to shine as a new me, I'll have to go through that difficult and painful process. I am young anyway. I have my whole life ahead of me. I am allowed to make mistakes, so long as I do not hurt other people or disrupt their lives. And with a little bit of humor and some chuckle, I'm sure I will get by.

In a few days, I'll be celebrating my birthday. Until tonight, I hadn't planned anything special to celebrate it but to get hammered, like I did very year. But now, I couldn't be more excited for this new beginning.

After 27 years, I am getting rid of bad and unnecessary habits and baggages and will be finally opening myself as a happier, more vibrant spirit.

So help me God.