Monday, January 07, 2008

Another One For Julius, My Walnut

Julius wrote on Multiply:

i just miss ur company...ung usap ng mga bagay tungkol sa buhay buhay. inuman. coffee. sat nite. grabe, ang bilis ng oras. pero thankful ako kay sa Kanya dahil at least ngkasama tyo dyan at nging close. hehe. i just told nigel that im having a hard time meeting new friends here. wala akong mpuntahan kung nlulungkot ako or masaya ako. missin the old days. lets have coffee soon. hehe. sana ganun kdali. i know that ur all busy over there. request...text text nyo na naman ako oh...pkisabi din sa mga sea creatures...dan and cris.

miss u friend...happy new year.ano ng nangyayari sa buhay mo dyan? r u dating smebody rite nw? kwento ka nman-) happy with nige pero miss ko kyo!

It would be fair to say that to receive something like this from Julius is not totally unusual. But the timing of this message is quite is quite surprising. Pleasantly surprising, I mean.

After quite some time, only today did I find the inspiration again to give a dance class. After the class, most of my colleagues thanked me and it gave me so much joy to see that a lot of them enjoyed the combination that I gave. There was not a single walk-out, and my colleagues from the afternoon shift who came in the rehearsal hall, before my class ended, for their briefing seemed to enjoy seeing what they saw. All in all, my class was, for me, fulfilling. A simple victory, in a venue with dancers of different dance backgrounds, various temperaments, and dissimilar drive and interest levels. In the middle of the class, though; after seeing my first group of boys do the combination, I started thinking about Julius. And I thought about him even until Julie and I started discussing the dynamics of french contemporary dance vis-a-vis the modern american technique, 6 hours after the class. I couldn't help but compare Julius to the boys, especially the new ones.

Julius has always been a bit insecure about his modern and contemporary technique. He doesn't seen it, but the ultimate reason he hasn't gotten over his insecurity is that he has never seen himself perform. He's one friend-slash-fellow-dancer I love experimenting on, choreographically, because we have mutual trust and respect for each other as artists. And being one of my closest friends, he can read accurately the emotional content of my movement vocabulary. As friends, our opinions are on the opposite sides of the spectrum. In effect, he is probably the friend I argue most often with. But in the rehearsal hall, we are kindred souls. And nothing could ever go wrong between us, and to us, together.

Coming home from work, I got an unwelcome sms from some guy. I thought of replying, "I'm tired of your games. Let's just forget we ever met." But I didn't. I realized I would just feed on his need for attention even more if I did. Then when I got home and I turned on my computer, I found an email from an ex who's been acting inconsiderate and cold lately and it's really disconcerting. This made me remember Julius again. In one of my blog entries, I said,

"[My friends] are those who constantly witness; painstakingly try to bear with; and are often subjected to my, what other people may call, bitchiness. But of all the friends I have, the sole person who holds the throne of being my favorite prey is Julius. Not because I secretly harbor ill feelings against him (I can’t. He is such a good person for anyone to do that.); but because he’s a Leo. And there is a long list of Leos who have broken my heart. I sometimes see them in him so he automatically becomes my punching bag. "

Today is one of those days when the I say, "Why can't all Leos just love me the way Julius does?"

I miss you too, Julius. Know that neither time nor distance can change how much I love you.