An sms from Kiks, received 10 minutes ago, as a reply to my comment on his latest blog entry:
"Anatomizing sadness can be exhausting. Right now, I'm just so devoid of emotions. Thanks still. I'll call you when I'm not numb anymore."
"Big kiss. You have a friend here in Tung Chung."
- In exactly 14 days, my ex and I would be separated for a year. After a year of uncertainty (whether I should go on hoping for reconciliation or move on), I finally got his message clear. I should really start moving on now. I have been readying myself for this moment. I was gonna get drunk, cry, wallow in pain, maybe call in sick even and just refuse to function at all. I was gonna write an entry that would end in something like, "I thought the hardest part was the break-up. I was wrong. Realizing the break-up was final and it is time to move on is even harder. The hardest, I could only hope." Surprisingly, I am not sad. Though I want to, I am not even going through that tedious process of anatomizing sadness. And pain. I've probably gone through that profusely over the last 11 months and 2 weeks that there's nothing left to anatomize anymore. Kiks couldn't have put it any better than the way he did in his sms. Anatomizing, being devoid of emotions (or reason), being numb --- I went through all that for almost a year. Gone are they all when I expected them most.
- I hope that text messaging technology can convey how much I meant my message to Kiks. It was short and nothing remotel close to preponderant. But it came from the heart. I wanted to begin this entry with "An sms from fellow blogger, Kiks..." I didn't. He's a friend now. Not just a fellow blogger. Thanks to blogging and Volume for bringing us to each other's midst.
- I love it that Kiks doesn't misspell his words intentionally to save time time, energy and text space when typing important messages such as this. That makes him more than just a friend now. He's a KC.
"It is when you start to run and you continue to run. And run. And run."
-Kiks, Anatomy Of Sad